Our Gemara on Amud Beis discusses the status of the parents of children who marry each other (known in Yiddish as machatonim), and whether their closeness disqualifies them from serving as witnesses:
The father of the groom and the father of the bride can testify about each other, as they are considered to each other like a lid on a barrel.
The Gemara uses a metaphor of a lid on a barrel to describe the relationship between the two parents/in-laws. They are connected but not truly related.
Rashi explains the metaphor: “It is like the magufah, the clay seal on the barrel, which is not of the same material as the barrel.”
Aruch (39, “avla”) and Yad Ramah interpret the metaphor differently: “It is like the cover of a barrel that is not attached but merely rests on top of it.”
Rashi seems to emphasize the lack of familial closeness due to the absence of shared blood relations. Each in-law comes from a different family line (made of different material). Although the in-laws share children through marriage, there is no direct blood connection. A husband and wife become "one flesh," as described in Bereishis (2:24), but this unity only extends to their children and future generations, not upward to their parents. Yad Ramah and Aruch stress that the bond is tangential. Just as the lid merely rests on the barrel without being part of it, the in-laws are connected only because of their children’s marriage.
Regardless of the interpretation, it is essential to recognize that the relationship between parents of married children is not akin to the attachment one has with other blood relatives. Healthy relationships are maintained when expectations and roles are clear. It is a bonus to feel kinship or friendship with the parents of your son-in-law or daughter-in-law, but it is not a requirement. Respect, cordiality, and cooperation for the benefit of the shared children are the primary roles and expectations. Do not expect more, and do not be offended if you do not receive more.
The Yiddish term machatonim is a fascinating example of a word unique to certain cultures. It derives from Lashon Hakodesh, using the mem prefix that denotes an action. A mechutan is one who becomes connected through marriage (chatanus). Interestingly, while Yiddish borrowed the Hebrew roots, this term does not exist in biblical or Talmudic Hebrew. It does, however, appear in Spanish as consuegros, and in Punjabi and Urdu as kurmani and samdhan, respectively.
Another example of a unique word is mshakela, found in Lashon Kodesh, describing a parent who has lost a child, distinct from other types of loss (see Shemos 23:26 and Bereishis 27:45). Arabic has a similar word, thakla, which appears related to the Hebrew mshakela. In English, there is no specific term for a parent who has lost a child. In German, the term “verwaiste eltern” (orphaned parent) is used. Sanskrit has a term, vilomah, for this loss.
When one culture has a word for a specific relationship or experience that others do not, it highlights the importance or frequency of that concept in the culture. The presence of these terms in certain languages reflects how these cultures experience relationships and losses. In contrast, Western cultures often lack these terms, suggesting that marriage and extended family may be seen as less central to individual life.
Translations Courtesy of Sefaria, except when, sometimes, I disagree with the translation
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