Our Gemara on Amud Aleph tells us about the fate of the wicked and the righteous at the end of days. It is one of my all-time favorite psychological Gemaras:
In the future, at the end of days, God will bring the evil inclination and slaughter it in the presence of the righteous and in the presence of the wicked. For the righteous the evil inclination appears to them as a high mountain, and for the wicked it appears to them as a mere strand of hair. These weep, and those weep. The righteous weep and say: How were we able to overcome so high a mountain? And the wicked weep and say: How were we unable to overcome this strand of hair? And even the Holy One, Blessed be He, will wonder with them, as it is stated with regard to the eulogy: “So says the Lord of hosts: If it be wondrous in the eyes of the remnant of this people in those days, it should also be wondrous in My eyes” (Zechariah 8:6).
The commentaries make a number of important points, and I will share some of my own as well.
Sod Yesharim Notes that the Gemara uses the same word “nidmeh” “it appeared” in reference to both the righteous and the wicked’s perception of the evil inclination. His point being, that they both were illusory, and he says, the truth is that both have truth. Because it is hard in the beginning to overcome the yetzer hara, and yet easy in the end. I think we can intuitively understand how that works. Desirable and strong at a certain point, but once we overcome it it can get easier. But that’s only true some of the time.
Arvei Nachal Explains the difference in perception between the righteous and the evil in the famous dictum, “Anyone who is greater than another, his evil inclination is greater than his”, which indeed the Gemara later refers to. Why is this so? Ben Yehoyada explains that it gets bigger over time. The longer the desire is squelched, the stronger it gets. And, there is some truth to the notion that it’s harder to sustain a continuous effort. This is why in the recovery community there is a focus on one day at a time. Because if you look at the issue in the moment in front of you, and only that moment, it feels much less like a mountain.
The classic explanation for why the greater the person is the greater their evil inclination, is as follows: Everything must be balanced for there to be free choice. And, if someone has the capacity to do much good, inherently and intrinsically there must be capacity to do an equal amount of evil.
That explanation doesn’t really sit well with me. Not because it isn’t true, in ways, because of course it is. Rather, I don’t think it’s complete. I think there’s something to the very act of resisting sin that can magnify sin. And that is because aggression itself, frustration and lack of contentment is itself the tool of the evil inclination. Therefore, sometimes in our efforts to fight the evil within us, we end up disabling ourselves and hurting ourselves by discrediting and frustrating basic instincts. And I think that is the true meaning for why the evil inclination can appear to be both a hair or a mountain. Because unwittingly in our efforts to fight it, we sometimes make it grow.
Happiness and contentment is not an easy state to reach, but it most certainly cannot be reached directly. It cannot be reached by forcing yourself to be happy nor can it be reached by forcing yourself not to sin in a manner that is disrespectful to your basic wishes, wants and needs. This is similar to what I brought up in yesterday’s daf. The Gemara (Sanhedrin 107b) seems to advise that sometimes one should not attack the yetzer hara directly, but more gently and roundabout:
יצר תינוק ואשה תהא שמאל דוחה וימין מקרבת
With regard to the evil inclination, to a child, and to a woman, have the left hand drive them away and the right draw them near. Essentially, the Gemara is saying that with sensitive, emotional people, and parts of personality as well, “the child within”, one should be gentle and patient in trying to suppress improper behavior.
What does this mean on a practical level? It means we should treat ourselves like we should aspire to treat our own children. That is, with respect, love and encouragement even while we are offering guidance and correction. I like to say, feelings are like noisy children in the back of a car during a long car trip. The more you tell them to be quiet the more frustrated they become and the more trouble they make. They must be dealt with and listened to on their own terms. It’s hot in the back of the car, they are restless, they are bored, somebody’s picking on them etc. Of course they need discipline, but they are still kids jumping around in the back of the car, after all. So too with all the feelings banging around inside your head. Yes, in some way you may need to manage them, but you must respect them and give them their due. That means not being repulsed or angry at yourself for your needs, but instead to accept them as part of being human and then to ask yourself what is a helpful and healthy way to work with them.
Remember, if you try to fight with yourself it’s unlikely you will win because your opponent is a very equal match.
Translations Courtesy of Sefaria, except when, sometimes, I disagree with the translation 
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