Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

January 11th, 2017

  Originally posted in Kol-Isha on 9.1.17 Depending on your background, you may be hearing shidduch recommendations, a friend may set you up, or you may even meet someone at a simcha. In many frum communities, long-term dating is not the norm and many young women feel pressured to ‘decide’ to get engaged after only a handful of meetings. Frequently, the match is encouraged by parents and shadchanim and outside acquaintances, …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

August 20th, 2023

The 15th of Av , also known as Tu B’Av, is a minor Jewish festival which in modern day Israel is celebrated as a holiday of romantic love, not unlike Valentine’s Day. In this mini bonus episode, Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum discuss the Mishnaic origins of this day, and compare ancient and modern day beliefs about love.Listen here.   …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

May 12th, 2020

The Netflix series, “Unorthodox”,  has generated a great deal of discussion and debate. Dozens of op-eds and blogs have been published and various Zoom panels created to discuss the authenticity, or lack thereof, of Hassidic life, marital customs, and sexuality. This makes sense, as the intimate lives of Hassidic Jews, particularly as presented in Hollywood -esqe style,  is likely to arouse legitimate curiosity as well as pr …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

January 1st, 2017

Couples seeking sex therapy, often indicate that a lack of sexual desire by one of the partners, more often than not, the woman, is the presenting problem. They often look for a behavioural solution, perhaps hormone treatments, exercises, bedroom gadgets or a libido boosting pill can ‘fix’ the problem for the low-desire partner

Certainly many factors can contribute to low desire in women. Hormonal changes, particularly aft …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

January 5th, 2022

First published in Times of Israel The recent suicide of Chaim Walder has created an enormous ripple effect in the Jewish community worldwide. Within seconds of the announcement of his death, social media exploded with emotional reactivity and commentary. Few have remained unaffected. Walder’s victims (one died by suicide shortly after his funeral) are suffering repeated re-traumatization by the tributes that were paid to Walder after his d …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

August 20th, 2023

Not since Yenta from Fiddler on the Roof has there been a matchmaker as famous as Aleeza Ben Shalom! Join Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum for a rollicking discussion with the colorful, engaging and entertaining host of “Jewish Matchmaking.”Listen here. …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

March 2nd, 2020

Our sense of self is largely defined by our system of values and spiritual identity, along with many other aspects of the self, including our physical, cognitive, intellectual, professional and relational parts. We are also sexual human beings, and are wired to be curious about sexuality and to develop an interest and longing for sexual expression.   Religious sources teach that “straying after our hearts and eyes” is prohibited. …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

March 19th, 2019

Talli Rosenbaum and Rabbi Scott Kahn address your questions in this special Q&A episode of Intimate Judaism. Among the issues they deal with are homosexuality and Orthodoxy, Halacha’s attitude toward sterilization via tubal ligation or vasectomy, whether we should encourage our children to talk to kids of the opposite gender, and more. You can listen to the episode here …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

April 25th, 2021

“Forced marriage” and coercive sex are terms that most believe have no relevance to Judaism. Nevertheless, in communities where marriages are typically arranged by parents and matchmakers, does the couple truly have the freedom to reject the match? And even in modern Orthodox circles, do young men and women sometimes feel pressured to marry when they aren’t sure about the partner, aren’t ready for marriage, or are uncertai …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

November 1st, 2020

  Tantric sex originates from ancient Hinduism and revolves around sexual practices that focus on creating a deep, intimate connection. It is a meditative sexual practice that encourages people to focus on the connections between the mind, the body, and the soul. It is intended to lead to fulfilling sexual experiences and greater intimacy.

Taoism is a system of traditional beliefs from China. Taoists believe that when a man ejacul …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

November 9th, 2020

Harav Binyamin Lau, community leader, author, teacher, and former Rabbi of the Ramban Synagogue in Jerusalem, recently introduced a document providing guidance for members of the religious LGBTQ community and their families. This document is a collection of recommendations that, according to Rav Benny, “Do not permit prohibitions or prohibit things that are permitted,” but seek to pave the way to integrate one’s identity with re …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

August 7th, 2018

While male masturbation is unequivocally prohibited under Jewish law, this prohibition often creates serious conflict and guilt in the religious and private lives of young Orthodox men, with serious long-term consequences. In this episode of Intimate Judaism, Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum discuss this important topic, and attempt to outline how parents, teachers, and children should navigate the dual tracks of strengthening a commitment to …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

October 19th, 2022

Infertility and pregnancy loss affects relationships: with self, God, partner, family, friends and community. In part 2 of this two part series, Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum discuss the general implications of infertility and pregnancy loss on these relationships and on marital intimacy and sexuality. Listen here to Talli and Rabbi Scott discuss this as well as the specific considerations for observant Jewish couples. …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

February 17th, 2021

Sexual intimacy provides the opportunity to express love with connection, pleasure, and satisfaction. Yet, for people who have experienced sexual assault, sexual violence, and abuse, intimacy can feel very unsafe. Being on guard, and sometimes checking out and dissociating, is what has allowed abuse victims to survive, and the idea of “relinquishing control and getting lost in the moment” can be terrifying. Rather than associate physi …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

April 25th, 2021

Modesty, lack of information, and embarrassment are just some factors that inhibit observant couples from using products designed to enhance sexual intimacy. In this episode, Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum host Beverly Damelin, who shares her expertise in the field of sexual enhancement products and explains how they can help improve the sexual experience. Listen here. …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

September 19th, 2019

“It’s not good for man to be alone.” Living a traditional Jewish life implies marriage and raising a family. Sexual intimacy is highly valued, but only within the framework of a marital bond. However, whether due to the “shidduch crisis,” rising divorce rates, or other circumstances, our communities include many individuals who haven’t married, or are widowed or divorced. What are the experiences of singles in …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

April 8th, 2022

The Jewish “Pleasure Principle” Sexual pleasure.  Does religion seek to minimize pleasure?  This message was communicated in the recent Netflix documentary “The Principles of Pleasure”  And to be honest, you don’t have to look hard to find Jewish sources, some in the Talmud, that do just that.  Then again, there are also sources, some mystical, that glorify (marital) sexual pleasure and satisfacti …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

February 22nd, 2023

The shidduch crisis refers to the phenomenon in the Orthodox Jewish community whereby eligible single persons, especially women, have difficulty finding a suitable spouse. While there are definite differences between the way dating for marriage is approached and conducted in the Hasidic, Yeshivish and Modern Orthodox worlds, there are also some similarities. Recently, a research study was conducted to better understand and promote awareness regar …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

May 7th, 2023

What happens to the sex life of couples during middle age? Does the familiarity of long-term marriage breed sexual boredom ? Does aging reduce sexual interest? What happens when intimacy is no longer mediated by nidah laws? Listen here to Rabbi Scott  Kahn interview Talli Rosenbaum  as she presents surprising research findings and insights that will dispel myths about sex in midlife and beyond. …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

April 12th, 2024

Losing one’s spouse is one of life’s most difficult and painful experiences. The process of grieving includes feelings of loneliness, abandonment, and isolation. While grieving the loss of a spouse, one also mourns the loss of identity as a member of an intimate partnership and acceptance of a new identity as a widow/er. Well-intentioned friends and family members may urge those who have lost a spouse to “move on,” while o …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

December 6th, 2018

  In the Talmud, (Nedarim 20a-b) Rabbi Yochanan Ben Dabai provides some advice about marital sex that he received from ministering angels. Children are born lame, he relates, because, the parents  "turned the table upside down" for intercourse. They are born mute because of kissing 'that place' (the genitals),  are born deaf because the parents spoke during intercourse, and are born blind due to the man looking at his wif …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

April 10th, 2019

Sexual exclusivity is a core value of Jewish marriage. Extramarital sexual contact – infidelity – represents not only a breach of Jewish law, but also a rupture of the couple’s loyalty and trust. While sexual intercourse with another person is almost universally considered adultrous behavior, how do couples define what they consider to be a betrayal? Is texting, having lunch with a member of the opposite sex, or flirting conside …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

March 16th, 2022

According to Jewish sources, God created humans as distinctly male or distinctly female. The roles, obligations and privileges of each gender are clearly defined in our tradition. Yet, not everyone conforms to the gender assigned to them at birth and some individuals experience their gender as distinctly opposite. Can Orthodox individuals who identify as non-binary or transgender find welcoming places, literally and figuratively, in Orthodox soci …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

January 8th, 2019

Sexual relations are considered to be a meaningful aspect of Jewish marriage. Sex is a positive commandment for procreation, and it is considered  a negative commandment for a man to withhold his wife's "onah", understood to mean, her entitlement to sex. (שְׁאֵרָהּ כְּסוּתָהּ וְעֹנָתָהּ לֹא יִגְרָע" (שמות, כ"א, י' Food, clothing and sex, he should not withhold from her A woman is expected to …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

November 14th, 2022

Pregnancy and childbirth are profound events in the life of a couple. The physical, psychological and hormonal changes that occur to women during pregnancy and in the postpartum period can impact both partners and affect emotional and sexual intimacy. Couples must learn to adjust to a changed family system and a new identity as parents. Observant Jewish couples are additionally affected by laws that restrict touch during childbirth and in the pos …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

November 12th, 2019

Outercourse refers to sexual activity without intercourse. Couples may want to engage this way to experience alternative lovemaking options, or may need to because intercourse is painful or uncomfortable. Does Jewish law permit couples to choose what they do in the bedroom, even if it consciously involves extra-vaginal ejaculation? Join Talli Rosenbaum and Rabbi Scott Kahn here as they respectfully discuss, and at times debate, this sensitive top …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

August 7th, 2018

 How do we give our kids the right message so that they will be able to experience intimacy in marriage?. What is the connection between growing up in a safe and secure environment, and the ability to experience pleasure in the context of marital intimacy? Why is it necessary to avoid judging our children, even when we disagree with their decisions? What do we mean when we try to teach them about intimacy? And how can our relationship with G …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

August 7th, 2018

Parents who are part of the Halachic community must balance the messages children hear from the outside world with the Torah values they are taught at home and in school. How can we achieve this balance so that our kids respect the Halachic attitudes toward sex, while also growing into sexually healthy adults? Is there a way to use media in order to educate? How does our use of language convey appropriate or inappropriate messages? Join Talli Ros …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

February 8th, 2022

Reproductive health ensures that couples can lead satisfying sex lives, and make informed decisions regarding family planning. Decisions related to birth control methods are generally guided by various factors, including health, convenience, cost, preference, and sexual or other side effects. For most observant Jewish couples, these decisions are also informed by Jewish law.
In the second episode of our two-part series on reproductive health …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

December 8th, 2021

Reproductive health is relevant to all couples in their childbearing years. Family planning, fertility interventions, and the use of contraception are guided by values and Halachic considerations, and involve several other factors including financial concerns, personal and professional goals, desired family size, and relationship stability. Join Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum here in the first of a two-part series on reproductive health and …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

September 23rd, 2020

Intimacy and sexual experiences are so closely connected with a person’s sense of identity, and so seldom discussed in many religious communities, that they often are the source of tremendous feelings of guilt.
When are these feelings misplaced and when do they serve a constructive purpose?
How should a religious individual manage his experience of guilt?
Is there a way to reframe the experience of shame or guilt in order to …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

October 12th, 2021

The World Health Organization defines sexual health as fundamental to the overall health and well-being of individuals, couples and families, and considers sexual pleasure to be a basic human right. In Judaism, sexual pleasure is valued, but only in the context of marital sex, leaving many people in conflict between their sexual health and spiritual health. Join Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum here as they discuss the six principles of sexua …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

September 13th, 2018

  Intimate Judaism’s most recent episode, ‘Shomer Negiah: Premarital Sexual Activity and Jewish Values,” generated plenty of comments, discussion, and disagreement. In this bonus episode, Talli Rosenbaum and Rabbi Scott Kahn address listener comments, and expand on the differences between guilt and shame, whether a person “has to” consult a rabbi before making a Halachic decision, the consequences of non-Halachi …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

August 28th, 2018

As human beings, we are wired for connection. When we connect emotionally with a member of the opposite sex, and experience attraction, and/or affection, the desire for intimate touch is a natural instinct. In society at large, this desire is understood to be moderated by social rules that include determining availability, and mutual consent and should include communication about boundaries and prevention of pregnancy when applicable. According t …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

October 2nd, 2019

During the month of Tishri, we engage in a process of Tshuva; self-reflection and repentance. Through prayer, we repair our relationships and connect with God, with ourselves, and with those we may have hurt. In this mini episode, join Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum as they discuss how the basic elements of the tshuva process can serve as a model for healing and repairing our relationships with ourselves and the significant others in our li …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

May 26th, 2022

Last month, Orthodox Jewish journalist Avital Chizhik-Goldschmidt published an article in The Atlantic highlighting the popularity of Laura Doyle’s 2001 New York Times bestseller, ‘The Surrendered Wife,’ among Orthodox Jewish women. Doyle’s book provides a practical guide to marital bliss and harmony, suggesting that women stop being critical and demanding of their husbands, respect and trust them, regularly engage in self …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

October 9th, 2018

Many couples await the wedding night with anticipation and excitement, as they are finally permitted to express their desire for one another and to consummate their relationship.  For some couples, however, the wedding night, and sometimes the weeks and months thereafter, can be a source of anxiety and distress, and represents an obligation they struggle to “perform successfully.” How do couples negotiate the transition from abst …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

December 23rd, 2022

  I want to, so yes. I want to want to, so yes. I don’t want to, but  I know I should, so yes I don’t want to, but must, so yes. I guess. Numerous sources in Jewish tradition demonstrate that sex in marriage must be mutual and consensual and at no time can sex be forced or coerced. The ideal consensual situation is enthusiastic consent with mutual desire. In reality  a woman’s desire for sex may be influenced by s …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

February 22nd, 2023

Whether divorced, widowed or never married, seeking a new relationship is complex. While each individual has his or her own unique experiences and perspectives, being unpartnered in midlife usually represents mourning for having loved and lost, or not yet having experienced the joy of partnered intimacy. Added to this for Orthodox Jews, are conflicts around non-marital physical touch. Join Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum here in a discussion …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

March 30th, 2023

In our annual Q&A episode, Talli Rosenbaum  and  Rabbi Scott Kahn answer many questions and discuss numerous issues dealing with Judaism and intimacy, including whether avoiding sex before marriage means a likelihood of being sexually incompatible with your spouse, how to proceed when you start off shomer negiah and then… you’re not, finding porn on your husband’s intenet history, coping with changes in libido, de …
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