Daf Yomi, Marriage Counseling, Psychotherapy, Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, Torah and Psychology
Our Gemara on Amud Beis uses dema to describe sacred terumah that is mixed with profane food. This word, dema, has a mysterious etymology. The Gemara Temurah (4a) indicates that the word dema comes from a verse (Shemos 22:28) that uses a word with a similar root in the context of harvested produce. Rashi (Temurah 4a) says Terumah is called dema because it can be nullified by mixing, and dema means to mix. Interestingly, Rashi on Chumash (ibid) says he does not know the etymology of the word dema. I believe that Rashi on the Gemara saw it as a derash but not a true etymological assertion. Tosafos (ibid) says that it comes from a word that connotes liquid. If so the word dema could be about a dissolving or intermingling. Ramban (Shemos 22:28) explains it as drops and then it also relates to the Hebrew word for tears, demaos. Maor Vashemesh (Simchas Torah 2) also notes dema indicates mixed, but uses it to explain the famous Aggadah (Bava Basra 15a) that Moshe wrote the last eight verses of the Torah (where the narrative includes his death) with dema. The simple reading of that Gemara is that Moshe wrote those last eight verses with his tears, as he was sad about his death and not being able to enter Eretz Yisrael. Maor Vashemesh says dema here means mix and confusion. Moshe was not in his usual prophetic state where he heard and saw God as one speaks to a friend (Bamidbar 12:8), but rather reduced to the state of other prophets (similar to what it states in Sotah 13b that the wellsprings of wisdom closed up for him.) Therefore he wrote those last verses in a trance, not fully knowing what he was writing or its implications.
I wonder if the word for tears is also related to mixed feelings. People cry when they are sad but also when they are happy. A common saying is, “I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry,” indicating some confusion of mixed feelings in relation to tears. Humans, by the way, are the only animal that cry as adults.
And it seems that even the psychophysiology of crying involves confusion. Crying is an arousal phenomenon (distress signal) but also a regulatory/soothing phenomenon. (See “The neurobiology of human crying,” Lauren M. Bylsma · Asmir Gračanin · Ad J. J. M. Vingerhoets, Clinical Autonomic Research (2019) 29:63–73.)
One last thought: Do tears dilute our pain as the Terumah is diluted by the mixture? If so does it take 100 tears to dilute the pain? Perhaps this is a novel source for the requirement of the customary 100 shofar blasts on Rosh Hashana (Mishna Berurah 592:4) — they are 100 cries to nullify the distress of the sin (Kedushas Levi Devarim, Rosh Hashana describes the Shofar as a cry.) And the gates of tears are never closed (Bava Metzia 59a).
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Translations Courtesy of Sefaria, except when, sometimes, I disagree with the translation
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Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, LCSW-R, LMFT, DHL is a psychotherapist who works with high conflict couples and families. He can be reached via email at simchafeuerman@gmail.com